With Zulay it was seven weeks in, just a few months after she and Kevin decided the coronavirus pandemic, and the subsequent shutdown of their shared industry, actually provided the perfect time to start building their family. “I was like, ‘Okay, everything’s shut down. Studios are down. Agencies are down. This is our time,” she explained. “As you can see, it wasn’t the way that we planned it.”
Instead, as she dealt with the physical pain of her loss (“You don’t have a miscarriage one day and it just goes away, even physically. You’re in this thing for a long time where your body has to heal”) the inner turmoil just about destroyed her. “You feel ashamed, you feel like, ‘Wow, my body couldn’t do it,'” shared the If Loving You is Wrong actress.
“I remember just thinking to myself of every reason, just really microanalyzing everything I did and everything I didn’t do,” she continued. “Like to the point of, ‘I drove home too late that night and drove over that pothole.'”
She even blamed her family for letting her leave her mom’s house that night. “There’s just so much emptiness and shame and anger that you have toward yourself,” she explained. “I was angry toward my doctor. I just lashed out at everyone for a little bit, including my own family. Like, ‘Why did you guys let me do that?'”